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Witness

by Mall Ghosts

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1.
Sunscreen 05:44
Come over tonight. It's too hot outside. In the day it's too bright. The sidewalks are full of strangers and I feel small and I feel like I'm being watched. I don't want to be alone when I dream.
2.
Resurrection 03:27
3.
4.
In Flannel 05:40
You will take your first breaths as a real man without stuttering without crying You will not be overwhelmed by how big the world is you will take it all in your stride Picture change Picture how strong you will be knowing the lows better than anyone else It's not a competition but you should treat it like it is lord knows you don't want to come in last You will take your first steps on this ugly earth You will take your secrets to the grave Nobody has to know that you were weak once nobody has to know how close you came in autum in flannel why did it have to die
5.
Strawberry 05:56
home alone the doors are locked the radio is fading out the neighbors are always too loud they're crying or they're making out thunder came in dreams again I bled as much as I forget there's a pile of letters that I get most of them lie untouched and unopened they all say the same thing "I want to improve myself" "I want to get clean" Me I still confuse the memories with my dreams thunder came in dreams again I bled as much as I forget
6.
The Bad Year 05:12
Don't get lost on your way to the park don't forget the evidence burry it under a statue of dead presidents move on cross the border don't call anyone don't stop from here on out the world you knew was lost
7.
Bone Eater 05:37
bone eater bone eater mask of ashes from a thousand fires hits come fast and hard relief never came neutral to a fault these memories remain bone eater bone eater mask of ashes from a thousand fires nothing will change nothing will change nothing will change nothing will change bone eater bone eater mask of ashes from a thousand fires god save your fragile heart god save your fragile heart it cant happen here no it wont happen here will you run (run) will you run (run) will you give up? will you give up?
8.
Chocolate 07:23
Burned every book I had and every picture of me on the trail that led to the woods on a pile / on an abandoned boxspring the trains rolled on the kids stayed out too late and I waited like I used to on Sandlewood and then it started to rain I tried to make real end to the trails on route one that we left on the beach in my bed I tried to burry it
9.
Dial L-O-V-E 05:54
You've got a limp when you walk and you stutter and sigh your bones ache in the cold and you're still afraid in the night There is nothing out there but here my arms are for you these arms will work themselves raw and I'll do whatever I have to Dial L-O-V-E Don't hang up. Don't leave me hung up. When I have my dips When I stumble and trip I know I can count on your tenderness Sometimes I feel like it's the only steady thing aside from the nightmares and the fears in me Dial L-O-V-E Don't hang up. Don't leave me hung up.
10.
bedroom to bedroom palms pulse bedroom to bedroom palm sunday morning pulse sunday morning
11.
Blood 07:41
in the empty room trying to block out the sounds from the hall the cries of generation after generation of mistrust the empty house is never really empty at all a presence will always be there filling it up along with the morning letters the sirens and horns and cars placing fault the empty halls breath with stale love shaking and moving and never getting out I see sober eyes in the stars tonight they were never close enough to touch the trails by the parkside used to lead to the beach they parallel the maps of bruises that cover me I know it's hard to follow it's harder to forget once you've been there Blood Exiting Blood is inside me Nothing but blood (repeated til end)
12.
Wake up to the sound of someone crying a breath on the neck post-storm sky red
13.
From the mountain I covered up the world with my hand life below Lights of a television A police car You are going to a hospital alone. And I wanted to be there with you and remain invisible
14.
15.
dont like the way i feel today I used to not feel anything was dumber then i had less regrets now everyone says don't look back I am not into it I am not into it some light could be a welcome change i could purge myself of the bitter things but i cannot shake these bad feelings i feel like it's a warning I am not into it I am not into it
16.
January 05:25
The year is coming to an end and I have nothing to show for it. I have papers and bills. I have checks. I lived every day safely away from the edge. oh the angst of living lower-middle-class and being raised to believe that nothing ever lasts fear, work, regret and death are the only real constants I want to sleep peacefully I want to sleep and not dream It's best to go at it alone. and not drag anyone into your sorted mess I tried with all of the blood I have I think I tried my best. I want to sleep peacefully I want to sleep and not dream
17.
black gloves long nights lace and mirrors together together
18.
Heaven 07:54
No Wounds No Bruises No casts No bandages No blood because where we’re going no one gets hurt No blood because where we’re going no one gets hurt Perfect skin forever Baby you’ll have the strongest bones No stretchers No syringes Only sweet dreams where nobody gets hurt Only sweet memories without the cuts and the burns
19.
Holding 06:26
the static the dial tone the messages the cell phones the meetings the ex’s the meetings the meetings the payments the sunsets the morning doves and the pavement the nosebleeds the accidents the summer and its promises the romance the first kiss the flirting and the darkness the touching the street lights the breathing the locked eyes rip tide bonfires swimming and drowning dancing funerals the hand that grips and the hand that holds waking up alone
20.
Swans 04:07
Without a compass. Without direction. It brings you down. The curse is real. It can’t be lifted. Blood comes and goes. Blood comes and goes from me.
21.
Twenty Eight 03:20
I fix myself up got myself a new pair of shoes I clean myself off and I am ready for the new the world was on fire and all I did was sleep it off I wasn’t impressed I wasn’t engaged I wasn’t into it but I guess I’ll give it another try
22.
Witness 05:38
Lock the windows leave the TV on make it seem like there is someone home come to the garage load up the car before it gets dark this is it this is the cut off from here on out we are pushing our luck Dont leave any notes don’t make it look rushed don’t leave anything for anyone leave the pictures on the frames on the windowsill take the phone off the hook take the phone off the hook this is it this is the cut off from here on out we are pushing our luck
23.
Everything moves so fast and i can’t focus I think about death a lot and every wasted moment the future’s here the future’s here and I’m not ready I want to love and try so many things but I lack the bravery you are probably the only thing that I don’t regret I hope that I can provide everything you ever wanted because you bring a little light in the darkness the future’s here the future’s here and I’m not ready I want to love and try so many things but I lack the bravery you are probably the only thing that I don’t regret
24.
So Scared 03:19
Believe anything believe anything you want I can’t prove it wrong If it produces beauty if it comes from honesty if it comes from the heart some folks don’t care but I am so scared sometimes I want heaven now so bad it hurts other times i wanna hide somewhere safe inside a secret room while the world burns some folks don’t care but I am so scared
25.
the house of beauty the invisible academy of love a place to live together in peace a soft place a soft touch forever in snow. silk. forever well. forever marble cool halls forever well forever well forever well forever well

about

So here it is. A compilation of self-eulogizing cries for help and other depressing things. For whatever it’s worth, I think they all came out alright. I wrote 2/3rds of the album drunk. So I don’t remember it. Like someone else wrote it. A constant theme I found trying to get the lyrics on paper is making peace with death while trying to burn my past. Sometimes it’s pretty straight forward, but I think i’m often being coy or cryptic.

The songs on the album stretch from 2010 to 2018. See, when I was drinking and writing I didn’t anticipate making it to 30. Now that I have, and I have some crippling writer’s block, I figured I’d try to make sense of all the music I wrote and put together a compilation. They were taken from the albums Milargos, Blood, The Bad Year, Ghostwater, Dragon, Lilly, Hologram and a few others I think. I wrote a lot. Maybe I exhausted my creative energies by being so prolific. I mean I doubt this, but it’s a possibility I gotta consider.

There’s no real order to the tracks here. I’d suggest using headphones for it. Everything here was mixed to headphones. Often recorded via a built in macbook mic. It’s lo-fi. Not tape-hiss-lo-fi, and I’ll admit, it’d probably have a touch more charm if that was the case.

This all may sound really depressing, but I should add that I’m glad I didn’t die. Very glad. Things are better now. Perhaps harder, but better. I can’t say. Huge gaps in memory. I was hospitalized with pancreatitis that came from some heavy heavy drinking. That came after months of throwing up daily. Only ended up lugging myself to the ER when blood started coming up in it.

Grim, but I gotta type it out to remind myself. Anyway. There’s a notable tone shift from the pre-hospital period to now. I still struggle with depression, of course, but hey, gotta keep going I guess. This is about the music anyway. I think I kept a lot of stuff vague or cryptic in the hopes that people would glean from it whatever they wanted. You can still do that. I encourage it.

For anyone who’s followed my music for a while, you deserve a medal. You also may remember that these were released under the name Swimmingpool The Band. I hated that name. Again, I was drinking all the time. Eh. So it’s now all under my current name, Mall Ghosts.

I haven’t included any of the instrumental pieces in here. It’s funny, and i hate this, but my instrumental stuff always got more attention. But it always felt easier. I’m not trying to brag or anything either. I didn’t feel like I earned that praise (if you could call it that).

So here’s Witness. 26 songs from 8 years and over 8 albums.

I wrote all the songs and played most of the instruments. Diana is present on a handful of tracks.

credits

released June 16, 2018

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Mall Ghosts Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


philadelphia
Half instrumental albums/Drone/ambient. The other lofi rock / pop.

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